Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Meet My Families

This is a great time of year.  Everyone spends time with family and I am lucky enough to have multiple families.  People always get really nervous when they are going to meet the family of someone they are dating, but in my experience my biological family is the least intimidating family they will have to meet.  

So let's start with my real family.  My parents are probably two of the nicest and most welcoming people that anyone could meet.  They are friendly and can hold a conversation with anyone.  Even if they didn't like someone, you would never know it...well until the relationship is over that is.  In all fairness, I think they only dislike exes because they were in some way a douche and broke up with me and obviously they are "team Janet."  If that is the case then you most certainly don't want to be caught by my dad at a restaurant with the girl that you broke up with me for.  That could get a little awkward.  Not that the dude didn't deserve it.  He's probably lucky it was my dad and not my mom.  My sister is much the same.  She is my sister and very easy to get along with and sweet to everyone.  As a general rule, if I like them...my family usually likes them.  My real family is usually the first of my families that the person I am dating would meet.  I know this seems backwards...but really, there is no need to freak out about it being all serious.  It is totally casual.

Next up would be my ninja family.  They are behind my family in the "nice" factor.  I know the guys (and girl) at my ninja gym would be open to anyone that I would bring there.  However, their skills make them a bit more intimidating.  I would want to make sure that the guy was very confident, or at least okay, with being humbled before taking him to my ninja gym.  I would hate for him to feel totally emasculated by not being able to swing from ball to ball...

The next family would be my "royal family."  I'm sure you all have seen posts on Facebook and wondered what the hell the "royal family" was.  Well, to explain, it was something we made up over a few cocktails when we were making fun of some people who were a little full of themselves.  I know that's not nice, but neither is making your friends call you "Dr. Suzy" when addressing you because you're an acupuncturist.  Get over yourself.  Anyway, this is my family of besties basically.  They have seen me through thick and thin and everything in between.  That also means that they have seen a lot of douche bags come in and out of my life.  This is probably why they are so hard on the outside...they have had years to become extra protective of me.  My friends are genuine and I really appreciate that about them.  However, if they don't like someone they aren't afraid to honestly tell them what they think of the way they treated me.  Basically, if a guy wants to stick around, he should most definitely not get on their bad side.  Also, as per royal requirements, we take at least 50 pictures per gathering so he has to be okay with that as well. 

Well, we are at the last of my families.  This does not mean that they are the least important.  But it does mean that they may well be the last people that someone I am dating would meet.  That family is the 5:15 AM class at my CrossFit gym.  Many people ask me all the time, "How do you get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym?!"  The answer is simple, "To see my friends and laugh my ass off."  The 5:15 class is very close-knit and I have known most of these peeps for close to 4 years.  When you spend the first hour every day with them, it becomes very comparable to a little family.  There are also many roles played out in this family from our sweet CrossFit grandpa, to our CrossFit dad (who is usually the one dropping F bombs left and right in the corner and trying to crack the garage door every chance he gets...even when it's 20 degrees outside).  A guy would need to be able to vocalize some profanities at some point in a conversation with CrossFit dadI never had a big brother...but I think if I did, they would be much like the rest of the guys of the 5:15 class that enjoy harassing me.  And of course there is the ring leader of all of them; he is mischievous, and a prankster who enjoys past times like throwing spiders at peopleOverall, the guys' bark is much worse than their bite.  If I ever introduce a guy to them he better have a great sense of humor or he won't surviveNow for my 5:15 girls (all two of them).  They are quite the opposite of my "brothers."  These girls' bite is much worse than their bark.  They are super sweet and friendly...But if someone ever did me wrong I would be worried if I were them.  I took a self-defense class with one of them and I was a little concerned she was taking her role playing a little too seriously.  The other one, I have been on the receiving end of many a "friendly" slap on the ass...that bruised me.  If I were a guy dating me, these are the two 5:15 family members that I would be afraid of.  I had an awesome Christmas family portrait I was going to post, but since "Carl" requested a fake name, I figured I wouldn't post any pictures.  The guys might not want to be associated with my blog. 

I guess there are a few lessons in this blog post.  Guys need to stop freaking out if a girl introduces them to her family.  It's not a big deal unless you meet ALL her families.  And if a guy ever survives meeting all my families then he may be a keeper.  Now if he ever does me wrong, he's got a lot of people to be worried about. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Tis The Season

I just finished all my holiday decorating and shopping (or at least finished figuring out what I am getting everyone on my list) and it feels so nice that now I can relax, wrap gifts, and enjoy the holiday season.  While we are all filled with so much love, some of us are filled with a little extra fear and anxiety this December...mostly those of you in new dating relationships.  

This is the worst time of year to start dating someone.  I always end up dating someone in the fall and I hate it (I am actually feeling very relieved that I am without that added stress this year).  "Why," you ask?  Well because Christmas* is just around the corner.  And if you are like me, you cannot go without getting the person you are dating some gift...since it's the season of giving after all.  But the dilemma that has perplexed me for many many holiday seasons is WHAT do I get the person that I just started dating???

When I spoke with my friends about what they would do/did the answer varied from: "just go to a nice dinner," to "well...I bought us a cruise because he'd never been."  Okay, totally not helpful guys.  Seriously.  But if anyone wants to buy me a cruise I would be completely fine with that.

Anyway, here is my opinion on what to do if you have only been dating someone for a couple months and find yourself in a Christmas conundrum:

1.  The tricky part is figuring out how much to spend.  It can't be too expensive and freak the other person out and it can't be too cheap and make them think that you don't care at all.  Most importantly it should be thoughtful and something you genuinely think they would like or something that they mentioned wanting.  Not some pair of socks just because.  For the record, I don't recommend getting a new girlfriend socks.  No matter how new she is.  Unless you are trying to get rid of her.  Then, by all means, sock away. Similarly, you don't want to get a guy a book if you never recall him reading.  Chances are, he probably will use it as a coaster on his table.  If you have been dating a couple of months and you are still sitting there like, "okay, but this still doesn't give me a number of what to spend," I would shoot for around $50 or less.  Again, that's my personal opinion.  Two of my favorite websites for random but cool gifts are Uncommon Goods (uncommongoods.com) and Think Geek (thinkgeek.com) because they have unique things that can't be found just anywhere and they are reasonably priced.  I also advise going with something you can personalize.  There are many stores and websites that allow you personalize gifts with photographs or engravings and those always make the gift more special and thoughtful as well. 

2.  Anything that the two of you can do together is another good idea.  This would definitely include a dinner or date night out.  What's better than spending time with your person?!  Maybe they have told you about a new restaurant or fun activity that they wanted to try.  Maybe it's a day trip to the mountains?  Hot springs anyone?  We are lucky to live in a state that offers so many options for great activities.  You should be glad you don't live in Kansas.     

3.   Last, if you have no idea what to get someone...you can always resort to a decent bottle of booze or food.  That way if you break up before Christmas you can still enjoy the present or share it with friends. I don't like bourbon, but one of my lucky friends enjoys that bottle that I bought last December when she comes over for happy hour.  Or hey, even better idea, a flask with his name engraved and filled with booze.     

Obviously every relationship is different and the degree of seriousness comes into play.  However, this is my gift-giving guide for the new dating relationship.  Don't freak out if you find yourself under the mistletoe and clueless.  Just take your time to breathe and think of a genuine gift that will show the other person you were thinking of them.  

*Christmas and other holidays included.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Airplane Action

Do you think anyone told Carrie that there were consequences for wearing a dress like that?!?!
I love her AND the SNF song.  I turn it up every Sunday night and jam out. 


2:30 AM: Wake up
3:15 AM: Leave for the airport
3:45 AM: Arrive at the airport
4:00 AM: Wait in security line.  I get to security and throw my ID in my back pocket.  I go through the scanner and they stop me.   

Security- "Ma'am, you have something in your back pocket."
Me- "Oh shoot it's my drivers license.  My bad.'  Pull out my ID to show them.
Security- "We are going to have to pat you down.  Please wait over here."

4:05 AM: Security pats down my ass thoroughly.  I hope you enjoyed that. 
4:30 AM: Settle down at my gate to read my book until I board.
4:45 AM: Man sits down next to me.

Rodney*- "Miss, our gate says Austin and Phoenix.  Do you know what's going on with that and what they are boarding first?"
We continue to chit chat.  Hmmmm...not sure how to read this guy.  I guess he's okay and I'll be friendly.  We talk about going to Phoenix and I ask who he's going to visit.

Rodney- "Going to visit one of my friends..."
Me- In my head, huh he must have a girlfriend out there.

Later in our conversation...

Rodney- "So are you going somewhere cold?"
Me- "Ummmm....."     Dude, didn't we just talk about how our gate says Phoenix and Austin???  
Rodney is super embarrassed at this point.
Rodney- "Oh...ummmm...I guess that was a stupid question."

Uhhhh, yeah it is.  This guy is really bad at hitting on me.  

5:15 AM: We start to board
5:30 AM: I take my seat on an aisle.  7C.  We are on Southwest so we can pick our seats.  I always have this dream that some really hot guy is going to sit down next to me on Southwest.  Single people should always fly Southwest.  Not that it's worked out for me.  But it's a good strategy.  But hey, 7A is kinda cute.  He looks nice and quiet.  He has a hat on.  I am a sucker for a guy in a hat.  Cowboy hat, meh.  Beanie, eh.  Fedora, no.  But a regular athletic ball cap.  Now that is sexy.  He has his headphones in.  Guess I won't talk to him.  
5:35 AM: Rodney boards.  7B is open.  He sits in 6B.  WTF?!  He was just hitting on me and he sits the row in front of me?  Wow, this guy has no game.  Not that I necessarily wanted him to sit next to me. I had mixed feelings I suppose.  Rodney tries to hit on 6C but she's actually with the guy in 7D (he's across the aisle from her but our rows are staggered so he's further back than her and a little in front of me).  It gets awkward when Rodney hits on her.  Such is Rodney I suppose.
5:45 AM:  Take off.
6:00 AM:  Flight attendant comes around to take drink orders.  The entire row in front of me is drinking.  Heavily for 6 AM.  6C is getting double Bailey's on ice.  7D (her bf) is getting double Jack and Cokes, as is the guy in 7E.  7A gets a bloody mary.  I start with a water.  
6:30 AM:  6C continues to talk and be friendly (almost flirty??) to Rodney (6B).  I keep my headphones out because listening to their awkward conversation is more entertaining than listening to my music or reading.  7D decides to strike up a conversation with me.  I am nice.  I start talking to him.  It feels like he is flirting with me.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure.  It's weird.  Especially since he is just chatting me up and turning all the way around in his seat to talk to me while his girlfriend is flirting with Rodney.  I'm bored so I'll talk to him.  I'm not going to be mean.  
6:45 AM: In between my conversation with 7D I overhear Rodney talking about his girlfriend living in Phoenix.  Uhhhhh okay.  I totally called that one.  I am annoyed he was trying to hit on me and that he flat out lied about it.  Scum bag.  At least 7D is openly flirting with me in front of his girlfriend.  6C is nice.  I like her.  She turns around sometimes and joins in our conversation.  It actually makes me feel more at ease when she joins in.  
7:00 AM:  I look over and the lady in 8E is knitting and has scissors.  WTF.  They patted down my ass because my drivers license was in my back pocket and this lady has knitting needles and scissors that she could easily stab someone with.  THREE objects she could stab someone with!!!  And they grabbed my ass for a flat piece of plastic.  Pervs. 
7:15 AM:  I go to the bathroom.  Everyone on the flight is drinking.  Not everyone.  But probably close to 40%.  Maybe they know something I don't.
7:20 AM:  I get back to my seat and our flight attendant comes around again.  7D asks me if I want something (again, weird) and I finally agree.  Since everyone else is...  Maybe they all know we are about to crash so they are having one last toast.  Life is short.  I might as well.  
7:25 AM:  I'm tired of conversing with 7D.  He's getting drunker and I'm getting bored making polite conversation with this bozo on the plane.  
I have been glancing at 7A throughout the flight.  He looks SO familiar.  I feel like I know him.  I have no idea where from.  I probably saw him on Tinder.  He has taken his earphones out (for a while now).  He's probably enjoying the entertainment as well.  7B has been sleeping the whole time.  Or at least pretending to.   
7:30 AM Bailey's and coffee has warmed my blood and I decide to strike up a conversation with 7A.  He's cute.  

Me- "Pssst, did you pay for your bloody marys yet?  The flight attendant didn't make me pay for mine yet."
After seconds of reflection I realize this is stupid because, since I'm on the aisle, I actually would have already known if the flight attendant made him pay...
He takes it in stride and is very friendly.
7A "No, but here in the Southwest drink menu it says that you drink free on Halloween and Thanksgiving."  

Ahhhh so that's why everyone is drinking. 
I continue to chat with 7A and he's my favorite person that I conversed with all morning.  We joke and laugh.  I find out he grew up in Crested Butte, went to CU and is now a Chemist who works in Longmont and lives in Boulder.  7B pretends to be asleep even though I know he's not.  He just doesn't want to be the awkward person in the middle of our conversation.  

7:50 AM:  We land and start to get off the plane.  I am sad because I was enjoying my conversation.  I don't even know the guy's name and all of a sudden it's my turn to get off the plane.  7B is antsy to get off and not pretending to sleep anymore.  7A is staying on because the flight is going on to Austin, where he's going to see his mom.   I am rushed and just say bye and leave.  CRAP!  I knew the second I walked off the plane I wished I would have at least gotten his name and maybe even his number.  
7:52 AM:  Rodney creepily slows his pace to wait for me as I get off the plane and introduces himself.  I give him my real name unfortunately (I really need a good fake name that will roll off my tongue).  I'm grumpy I didn't get 7A's name/number and I don't care to make nice with weirdo Rodney.  I duck into the bathroom to get rid of him and the experience is over.  

My trip home had much less action as I was on Frontier, where I was placed next to a familyAnd when I got back to DIA I tripped and fell up the escalator stairs.  I thought I could take two at a time and I was exhausted and ready to be home.  Instead I missed the stair, ate shit, dropped my bag and totally embarrassed myself in front of everyone.  Short leg problems.  No one was hitting on me then.

I actually checked the "missed connections" page on Craigslist for 7A  (I have never ever done that before) but didn't see anything.  But if anyone out there knows a guy that sounds like he could be 7A...you should put a girl in touch!!!  

Until next Tuesday my friends...  

*I don't remember if his name was Rodney for sure.  But it was something like that.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015


Recently I did a photo shoot with Scott Brayshaw of Brayshaw Creative.  It was really fun and I took a couple of my favorite dresses.  The pictures came out amazing too.  One of the dresses I wore brought back a recent memory that I never shared.  After months of it bothering me, I felt a blog post on it was necessary.

Most of my friends know that I am a girl who LOVES dresses.  They are my favorite thing to wear and I wear them whenever I find an opportunity.  I have loved dresses and heels for as long as I could remember...since I was at least 5-years-old.  I remember being a very small girl and really really wanting a pair of dress up shoes with a little heel on them because I liked the sound they made when you walked.  

 Proof I've always loved dressing up in case you were questioning me.

So back in August I went to a bachelorette party, which obviously presented a chance to wear one of my favorite dresses.  

 A picture Scott took in my favorite dress...I guess I have always had a thing for red heels.

 Anyway, I wore this (above) dress to the bachelorette party.  I was on the Whole 30 at the time so I was dead sober.  I stayed out until midnight and then decided to walk back to my car.  On my walk back a somewhat intoxicated girl started walking with me.  This was how our conversation went:

Stupid girl:  What are you doing tonight, Sparkles?
Me: Oh I just was out at a bachelorette party and now I am walking to my car.
Stupid girl:  Well what was your goal?
Me:  Uhhhh to have fun?
Stupid girl:  No, what was your goal in a dress like that?
Me:  Ummm, I just wanted to wear it because I love this dress.
Stupid girl:  You see the way guys look at you in that dress, Sparkles...so what is your goal?
Me:   Dude, I have no goal.  I just wanted to have fun with my friends and wear a pretty dress.
Stupid girl:  You should be careful.  There are consequences for wearing a dress like that, Sparkles. 

"There are consequences for wearing a dress like that..."  it rung in my ears.  Did I hear her right?  Did this drunk girl in a maxi dress just tell me that there were consequences for me wearing this beautiful dress?  I was so upset and frustrated by the time I got back to my car.  I can't believe she had the balls to say that to me.  I felt totally judged.  Just because I didn't have a man with me and I was out on the town in a short dress all of a sudden I was, "asking for it." 

Just to reiterate, in case you didn't get this above...I don't wear pretty dresses to get attention from men.  I wear them because I think they are pretty!!  A complete sequin dress?  YES PLEASE!  I would wear it whether I had a boyfriend or not.  Besides that, I don't go to bars looking for men anymore or even trying to meet them.  I have been there and done that and it just never ended well.   I just thought it was sad that because I chose to wear a dress that I liked  LOVED, that it was assumed that I was "slutty" (I honestly couldn't think of any better description)And what was worse, what I heard from her is that if something happened to me, it was my own fault.  It was rather disheartening to be put down by another woman.  And as nurse (she told me at some point this was her profession), I would expect better from her.  I expect her to not blame the victim.  I couldn't imagine her patients coming in and her thinking, "well it's their own fault for wearing a short dress...."  It's wrong, on so many levels.  And...AND I was the stone cold sober one, who would have had the wherewithal to at least dig her heels into the groin of someone who tried something!  Regardless, it doesn't matter.  Even if something had happened to that drunk girl in a maxi dress that night I never would have blamed her. 

In case you were wondering...here are some statistics:

-  A Federal Commission on Crime of Violence Study found that only
4.4% of all reported rapes involved provocative behavior on the part
of the victim. In murder cases 22% involved such behavior (as simple
as a glance).

-  Most convicted rapists do not remember what their victims were wearing.

- Victims range in age from days old to those in their nineties,
hardly provocative dressers. (1) 

I know this blog doesn't have a lot to do with dating.  But it has a lot to do with being a woman.  And the point of it is that we should stick together.  We should stop with the judgment of what others wear.  I know you all have done it, and I am no exception.  But we should really work on choosing to support each other instead.  Maybe you think her skirt is too short, or her shirt is too low cut.  But maybe that's just who she is.  And most importantly, we should not blame her for what may have happened to her.  Because maybe, just maybe, she wasn't asking for consequences, but rather just enjoying wearing a pretty outfit that she felt confident in. 

(1) http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/776945.html

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Match and Muscles

To start, I just want to thank all of my awesome friends for their support on this blog.  I have really been enjoying writing it and getting positive feedback makes it that much better. I love that the other single people out there understand and are like, "OMG that's my life!!" and the people in relationships are like, "THANK GOODNESS I'm not single anymore..."  

I haven't gone on any dates in a few weeks and it's been really nice.  I didn't wash my hair for a week.  Stop judging me.  It's good for your hair.  Plus the longer it gets the easier it is to go without washing it.  Although by day 7 it was nearly dreaded.  NBD.  Nothing a little conditioner can't fix.  Besides, none of you even noticed, be honest.
Since I wrote about Tinder last week, it only makes sense to write about another dating site today.  Everyone knows that my girlfriends put me on Match.com.  It has been the topic of the 5:15 class weekly.  At one point, the morning guys knew more about my dating life than I did.  But, then my friends granted me access to my profile and this has been my experience so far....

First off, I wish I could give it back.  I don't want it.  It's SO overwhelming.  There are tons of avenues: likes, interests, messages, favorites, winks, chats, matches.  How is a girl supposed to figure out what's what.  I don't understand the hierarchy.  Is a "wink" more than a "like" or less?  Is an "interest" more serious than a "favorite?" Maybe that was part of the initial set up process that I missed.  

My friends that originally made my profile told me that I wasn't allowed to put any pictures up of me working out because that attracts guys that only want sex.  I'm not sure about the science behind it.  But I did some research and it seems like pictures of yourself being active are what actually attracts people.  Maybe that's why I've only been getting interest, likes, winks, messages, and favorited with old and not-attractive men.  I only had one week left on Match.  So I experimented and I uploaded a ton of working out pictures (those are all my BEST ones!!!!)  Sorry girls.  Don't be too mad at me!

After further reflection, this probably wasn't a great picture to put up...I just thought my biceps looked nice.  Photo cred to Scott Brayshaw!  He's awesome.

While I showed you all the Tinder pictures last week, I can't say that Match has proven to be much better. I thought I was upgrading but I am still seeing shirtless bathroom selfies and today at guy had a picture of himself under a sign that said "I love boobs."  So this is where I was.  I began talking to a couple guys and they went two totally opposite directions--both apparently due to my working out pictures.  

One guy mentioned my ass three times in conversation and I stopped talking to him.  I can't believe I even let it slide two times before that.  Maybe the girls were partially right...but I had to know for myself.

However, another guy I started messaging with almost immediately began asking me questions like what I bench pressed and what I squatted.  He wasn't even interested in discussing anything that was not related to what sorts of numbers I lifted.  I stopped talking to him because it felt like he just needed to know if he was more masculine than me or not.  

After that, I was talking to a pretty promising prospect. But again, somehow in conversation it came up and he asked me if I lifted heavy weights.  I said I did and his response was, "For what?  Do you compete in body building?"  I then felt somewhat attacked but just told him that no, but I competed in CrossFit.  However, I suppose it was too late because he was checked out and pretty much stopped talking to me after that.  What the heck?!   I can't believe that we were having great conversation and as soon as dude bro found out I liked to lift heavy weights he was out.  What's with these Match guys?!  Are they afraid of having a strong woman? Well then, I guess asking if I can try to overhead squat you is out of the question...

I don't care if I can squat more than a guy.  I can probably squat more than a lot of guys.  But apparently, some men feel that I would be taking away from their masculinity by being stronger.  I'm not that picky.  So what if I am stronger when it comes to lifting a barbell or repping out pullups?  Maybe you are stronger/better at rock climbing, hockey, running, basketball, and any other sport involving balls...then why does it matter if I'm just better in this specific area?  It's unfair and seems like it would really limit my options to only date people in that category.  I need someone supportive of my physical strengths and endeavors.  

In the end, I guess my girls might be right...working out pictures are unsuccessful on dating sites.*  Although, who knew it would be such a turn off?!  My Match subscription is up today and I am relieved.  I am over that insane-ness for now.  Will I put up working out pictures on my Tinder app?  Who knows...I think I need a male's input on Tinder pictures before determining that.**

*There was a small development after this post was written proving that perhaps I was not completely unsuccessful.
**A blog on Tinder pictures from a male perspective coming in the near future...  

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Besties Write a Blog Post

By: Megan Peters and Jess Rife

Yay!  It’s guest blogger week!  Well, yay for us because we are writing this, but maybe not yay for you, because, you know, you came here expecting to read Janet’s blog and instead you are reading thoughts from two of Janet’s besties.  Such is life.  Full of disappointment, just like the average date these days.  

Not that either of us are actually out dating to know this first hand.  Rather, we are both married, one with a six month old and the other eight months pregnant.  But we are fully committed to helping Janet, who we also endearingly refer to as “our daughter” and “number 5”, meet some nice men (for more on this, watch for guest blogger week number 2 when we give you the “Rules for Dating our Daughter”).  We are so committed, in fact, that our next stop is a FarmersOnly.com membership for her.  I mean, who doesn’t love a man in tight jeans and cowboy boots?  Seriously, one out of the two of us does, and the other happens to be a lesbian.  So that seems like a pretty convincing argument that a hot farmer might be the key to success here.
But in all seriousness, the world of internet dating is a bit foreign to both of us.  Is a left swipe meant for those men that Janet highlighted last week in her Tinder blog—you know, the 50 year olds advertising themselves as a hot 25, or the dude with the half naked pic lighting a firework off the top of his head—or is it meant for that sexy intellectual buff guy from the gym.  Or, does it simply mean “I’d do him” or “I wouldn’t do him”.  Clueless. 
Everyone wants to meet their perfect mate in that organic, safe, straight out of a movie fashion, rather than via a swipe on an iPhone.   Right?  The hot new coworker who walks into the room and music starts playing while everything fades to slow motion, or that cute guy that you volunteer with who is dedicating his life to finding a cure for childhood cancer, fosters entire litters of puppies, spent the last two years fighting Ebola in Africa, and also happens to own a villa in Capri and a yacht in the Virgin Islands.  Your eyes meet and bingo, you’ve found your soul mate.  

Well we are here to tell you that there is nothing, let me repeat, nothing, sexy and wonderful and story-book perfect about most organic encounters.  Even those that lead to a lifetime together (or at least marriage and babies).  Take us, for example.  One of us met our wife in the bathroom.  Yes, the bathroom.  Of a bar.  And the other met our husband after being whistled at in the mall.  Whistled at, as in cat-called, as in, the stuff bad internet memes are made of.  So sit back and enjoy all of this organic-ness:

It was a Sunday afternoon on a beautiful spring day the year I was graduating from college.  My coworker and I had just gotten off of work at our silly college job of trapping unsuspecting people to sign up for a credit card at a Rockies game in exchange for a towel.  An awesome, piece of crap, genuine Colorado Rockies towel.  We decided to go have some drinks at the Fox Hole, a little bar with an awesome patio in LoDo that has since been replaced by thousands of over-priced lofts.  Sunday’s were “lesbian friendly” (read: we took over the bar) at the Fox Hole, and my straight, but curious, coworker decided to make it her personal mission to kiss every cute girl at the bar that night.  So, towards the end of the evening, as we stumbled into the bathroom, she spotted one that she decided to pursue.  Yes, I know, I make it sound more like we were on a safari than drunk in a bar bathroom.  Feel free to imagine us wherever feels right to you.  Regardless, when my friend introduced herself to this woman, and quickly proceeded to request a kiss, the response was “I would rather kiss your friend.”  And so I met my future wife.  Of course, being prude as I am (gay AND prude, mind you), I refused to kiss her.  But, we exchanged numbers and started dating.  Twelve years later we are married (thanks, Obama!) and expecting our first baby in 4 weeks.

Our other love story is equally romantic and by romantic I mean awesome:

It was late summer, I was 19 and carefree and what better way to spend your afternoon than to do some shopping at the mall with your BFF. We had just run into some boy friends of ours and wasted a bunch of time walking around with them. No sooner had the boys walked away when we heard some obnoxiously loud whistling. We exchanged a glance like wtf and kept walking. The whistling then got louder and was followed by a “Hey girl!”. We both looked around to realize there were no other girls in the area and tried to find the source of all the commotion. The guy called out again and we looked up and there they were. Smiling goofily down at us were two boys beckoning us to come talk to them. Being the nice girls we were we obliged and went upstairs to meet them in front of Macy’s (which back then was Foley’s). We chatted briefly and ended up giving them our numbers not really thinking much of it. Ironically it was one of the few times we actually gave our real phone numbers (yeah I know, we were THOSE girls) and my friend got a phone call from the whistler a few weeks later. We spent a month going on some very awkward group dates, neither myself or my future husband really envisioning anything would come of it. One night for shits and giggles we decided to go on a date just us to a haunted house.  The rest they say is history and we have been together now for 13 years and married for 4 of them. 

So, there you have it.  Organic.  And immature.  Incredibly immature.  Does that perfect dream encounter really exist?  Maybe.  But we would imagine that it happens so rarely that one shouldn’t put all of their dating eggs into this basket.  Like, not even one dating egg out of every dozen.  Lots of awesome couples we know have met online.  Why not go with the times?  Now that mall walking and drunken college afternoons in bar bathrooms are out of the picture, we’d both probably hop online too.  One thing we can all be thankful for is that we aren’t looking for the loves of our lives in the “missed connections” section of the Westword.  Phew!  Bullet dodged.  So, to all you hot cowboys and farmers out there, be on the lookout for our fabulous friend Janet on FarmersOnly.com soon!  (Just kidding, J….or are we….?  Muah!)